Below is a full unedited press release from Tory HQ.
***Check against delivery***
The Prime Minster Theresa May speaking at the Conservative manifesto launch will say:
“strong and stable”
“strong and stable”
“strong and stable”
“strong and stable”
“strong and stable”
*pause for applause*
“strong and stable”
“strong and stable”
“strong and stable”
“strong and stable”
*pause for water — look at camera, blink twice, pretend to be human*
“best possible deal”
“BEST possible deal”
“BEST POSSIBLE DEAL”
*pause for applause*
“coalition of chaos”
“coalition of chaos”
“COALITION OF CHAOS”
*pause, drink water, blink twice, look seriously at audience, aim each word at a different person, emphasize words using thumb (no pointing!) thumbing*
“coalition”
*move head look at someone else*
“of”
*move head look at someone else*
“chaos”
*pause for applause*
“Britain”
*take out miniature union jack from under hair — show audience*
“EU”
*wait for booing to subside*
“EU!”
*take out EU flag from knickers — show to audience — make sure they see shit stains on flag*
“BRITAIN”
*British flag wave proudly — like Hitler did with his iconic Nazi symbols*
*wait for cheers to subside*
“EU!!”
*stamp on EU flag and then punch it using British flag*
“BRITAIN!”
*hold British flag up and dance — national anthem plays in background — sung by the Daily Mail over 55’s women’s choir of St Betentals, Oxforshire*
*build to finale*
“BRITAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Best possible deal! Brexit means Brexit!!!!!!!!!Coalition of chaos! Strong and stable!!!!!!!!”
*wait for rapturous applause to finish — make cum face — pretend to hit that big O for the first time in life (well, first time without directly killing a poor and/or brown person)
ENDS
****Also make some shit up about caring about the working class. Haha, you know those fucking idiots will buy any old shit we tell them too!!
You can follow Chris Turnbull on twitter at @EnemyOfTheState or at his webpage Enemy of the state
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