When I was first told about my Fibromyalgia I was happy in a sense, maybe the wrong word, relieved is better, I had a reason for feeling so awful and in pain all the time, i thought people might actually believe me now, let me learn how to live and that was that. However, in the 6 months since, i have had so many learning curves in relation to living with a disability. I had to grieve my old life, old way of doing things because i needed to look after myself and learn to become happy again in a world where i felt everything i did was wrong.
My very first realisation was with my consultant, while lovely and helpful he started to tell me all the drugs and programmes that can manage my diagnosis and keep the pain at bay. This abled person, who has no idea how hard this has been and continues to be is sitting in his comfy chair being paid thousands to tell me it will be fine I’ll resume my normal life and he wants to discharge me. Then he ushers me out the room and sends me off. With this news, on my own into the world, that’s that. My life, categorised by a single 15 minute appointment, i felt every emotion in about a second.
| me before my Diagnosis |
Society has this preconceived idea that the disabled are not mentally or physically capable to carry out a “normal” day to day life. Of course it differs for everyone but all of us have the ability to be a member of society. I think abled people forget while we do have diagnoses we all are more than our illnesses. We love people, we have interests and hobbies, we learn. It’s a mater of adjusting for us. Our life has purpose with or without the same things an abled person has.
In today’s world, we are taught that everyone is equal. Everyone deserves the same treatment, but unfortunately, like a lot of minority groups, most disabled people have faced problems. Employment is one area of life that can be severely affected; employers not wanting to make adjustments, not hiring you, bullying etc. Businesses think of money, in fact money rules almost everything in life. While legally you aren’t supposed to be discriminated against in employment we all know it happens way to frequently. Don’t believe me here are a few news stories.
We are taught that being on benefits and getting help is a sign of weakness, that we should be ashamed and that we are ‘screwing’ the system mainly because of a few abled people who do use the system to make their life easier. Benefits are there for those who need it, truth is it’s hard enough to get on and stay on it and its barely anything in comparison to what we could get while working but it’s something rather than nothing. We don’t need to work to feel proud of ourselves and we don’t have to work to please others.
I haven’t even started on just how the ablest treat the disabled in general. When someone is visibly unwell or disabled for example carrying a stick, you sort of expect a level of respect and compassion. This doesn’t always happen. I was out with my partner, J, who uses a stick to walk and stay up right. On a busy train he was made to stand the entire journey, while business men, school children and other general commuters sat there ignoring him. Its an inconvenience to them, obviously not understanding is a major part of it, but where has the care in the world gone? There are so many stories of people being rude, cruel and unkind to people with disability, and it saddens me that we can be abused so easily. Society has such strict rules and ideas of how people should be in every sense of their self; appearance, ambition, class etc and when you don’t fit the mould you are ridiculed.
Kindness and compassion is free. Its not something that requires effort, but something that can make all the difference. More understanding would be brilliant, but we cannot expect that from everyone. We can however, believe in the power of people, the power of kindness. At least i believe in it.
You can Follow Beth Evans on twitter at @findingfibro and at her webpage findingfibro.blogspot.co.uk
Featured image “the Journey” by Brave @Defiaye check out more at Defiaye.com