Ask Bob About Brexit

August 10, 2017


The World Turns on its Head



BREXIT HERO Viscount St Davids leaves court to thunderous applause and wild cheering from his supporters (The so-called Gina “Miller” inset).

Dear Bob, I think it’s an absolute bloody disgrace that Mrs May’s most-trusted advisor and the behind-the-scenes leader of Britain’s negotiating team in Brussels should be dragged through the courts for simply saying it “like it is”. Let me explain…Rhodri Colwyn Philipps, the 4th Viscount St Davids (above), is standing trial charged with three counts of making malicious communications on Twitter for the messages he sent after Chief ReMoaner Gina “Miller” (who he rightly calls “a bloody troublesome jumped up first generation immigrant”) won a BREXIT legal challenge against the Government last November. This woman has the nerve to complain that he offered a £5,000 reward for the first person to accidentally run her over. Where’s the crime in that, Bob? All right-thinking Brits applaud his comments, especially the bit where he said: “If this is what we should expect from immigrants, send them back to their stinking jungles.” Frankly, Donald gets away with it all the time and, I should point out, that they both share identical views. Let me quote further from our Lord who talks about the need for a “new crusade” and a “collective register of Muslims”, adding “[It] makes the job a lot easier for our collective SIS [intelligence agencies] to track down non-conformists, and frankly, shoot them on the spot. The tyranny of Islam and it’s ignorant (goat f******) brethren has to be destroyed.” So, Bob my point is this: Since when is it an offense to Tell The Truth in Britain? I think I can speak for everyone when I say The whole Nation is behind him.

PS: If he has to go to court why can’t he be heard in one of the new People’s Courts?

Amber, Hastings


Dear Amber, seriously, it’s like the world has gone mad. I’ve already reported Gina “Miller” to CrimeStoppers on 0800 555 111 countless time so there’s no point bothering any more.

Break Out the Bunting (Again)



GOING MENTAL FOR BREXIT: The entire nation came out onto the streets to celebrate Independence Day last June.

Dear Bob, I applaud Mrs May’s brave call for help with new ideas over BREXIT and would like to suggest one of my own – More Street Parties! The whole country went mental on June 24 last year with Street Parties up and down the Land. So let’s have more! Also, I want to keep you abreast of our plans for “The World’s Longest Street Party” to be held on the Humber Bridge on March 30, 2019. The idea is to have the world’s longest trestle table (2,220 meters long) spanning the whole length of the bridge (which is the envy of the world). It’s not been confirmed yet but Mrs May will be attending and riding The White Horse of Freedom across the entire bridge to thunderous applause.

PS: We are going to needs loads more M+S Vouchers so let’s all keep our ears open and our eyes peeled for any murmurs of dissent.

William, Barton-upon-Humber


Dear William, I can confirm Mrs May’s attendance, although she insists on wearing a one-piece flesh-coloured body stocking.

Britain Leads the World (Again)


THE GOOD OLD DAYS: Back when Britain stood alone against the World (during the Three-Day Week) before taking full membership of the (then) European Economic Community (EEC) (forerunner of the European Union (EU)).

Dear Bob, I am a professional Typewriter Repair Man and my wife makes candles so imagine our jubilation this morning when we read that Britain will be returning to manual typewriters and candles soon after leaving the European Union. This momentous news comes from no less an authority than Professor Roger Cashmore, chair of the UK Atomic Energy Agency, who says the UK could run out of nuclear fuel within two years, meaning nuclear power stations would be unable to produce energy. Things just keep getting better and we want to Get On With It so Let’s Crash Out of the EU NOW!

Rob & Ruby, Hatfield


Dear Rob & Ruby, we here at BREXIT HQ are very keen to encourage Traditional Industries (such as your own) and we will be here ready and waiting to give you all the help and advice you need especially when it comes to Exports. However, you should be aware that the lights will not be going out just yet thanks to the momentous new UK-US Comprehensive Free Trade Deal agreed between Mrs May and Donald this weekend just gone as we will be importing millions of ton of coal “very, very soon” from the United States just as soon as the ink is dry on the contract. Donald is a big supporter of “nice clean coal” and as you know Mrs May is opposed to so-called Renewables having successfully slashed support for solar by 65 per cent and preventing them from bidding to supply the National Grid. This follows on from an earlier Conservative Manifesto pledge to “Halt the Spread” of onshore wind farms. Additionally, this government has given a £10m state subsidy to the Aberthaw coal-fired power station in Wales to supply electricity for one entire year so we are going to need all the coal we can get. And Britain’s world-leading stance is just One Reason More why Britain Leads the World in these things.

PS: Can’t see a need here to involve CrimeStoppers on 0800 555 111 at this juncture, so no £10 M+S Voucher this time.

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